Chapter 1

Some Foundational Principles

A girl’s childhood days pass very quickly. Before she realizes it, she has blossomed into a young, attractive woman. She studies and often has a career as a single woman. Then, in due course, she gets married.

Over the years, she then finds herself fulfilling many roles —wife, daughter-in-law, mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother. And sometimes, widowhood as well.

One of the most difficult seasons for a woman can be her years as a daughter-in-law. Being young itself poses many challenges. But for many (especially in India), having to deal with a husband’s relatives can bring a lot of emotional strain.

I am a mother-in-law myself and can empathize with my “daughters-in-love” (as I lovingly call them). I realize that there are things I should never say or do, and that I must be wise in choosing the right words and the right time to speak. If I had a daughter, she would understand me, even if I spoke roughly. She might even know my thoughts because she grew up with me. But my daughters-in-love do not know me that way - and so I must be extra careful, extra-sensitive - and wise.

But there are many good things I can still say and do to make life happier for all my daughters-in-love. There is no magic formula for harmony, but if I remain sensitive to their feelings, life can go forward smoothly. At one time, I was a daughter-in-law, who lived with my husband’s parents for a few years. And so, I can understand the challenges that daughters-in-law face.

Now, as a mother-in-law, I must do my part to maintain loving relationships with my sons and daughters-in-love and keep our families united. I never want any distance to come between us in this “evening period” of my life. My daughters-in-love come from different cultures and were raised differently from me. And so, our ways of thinking and doing things differ. Yet, each of them is unique and precious to me, and we love one another, because we love the Lord Jesus first.

I have no desire to change their way of doing things into my way. Because I do not believe that my way is the best way or the only way. So, when I am in the homes of my married sons, I am happy to do things the way my daughters-in-love do them — because that is their home. I am not there to correct them. Differences of opinion should be ignored because building fellowship is far more important.

Fortunately for me, my husband’s parents were godly, loving, and generous - and we were from the same culture. And so, things were easy for me. But many women are married into cross-cultural marriages, and some others have non-Christian relatives who have not given up their customs. I have written especially to help such women as well.

Chapter 2

The Foundation

I thank God for the principles found in God’s Word — especially the principle of walking the way of the Cross. I have discovered that taking up my cross daily and being a disciple of Jesus is the basic secret of living a happy, contented life.

We must of course, begin with the assurance that our sins have all been forgiven and that our hearts have been cleansed by the blood of Christ. After that, we must seek for the power of the Holy Spirit, Who alone can strengthen us to live godly lives for the glory of God. That is the foundation on which we must build our married life.

Forgive — And Ask for Forgiveness

It is inevitable that mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law will fail at times and make mistakes. What shall we do then?

Jesus once told a parable of a moneylender who had two debtors (Luke 7:42). One owed a small debt and the other a large one. Neither could repay, so he freely forgave them both. We owe the Lord — and each other — many debts because of how we have lived. Some of these debts are far beyond what we can ever repay. Yet our Lord forgave us freely and completely. That is why we too should also forgive one another freely. If we meditate on the huge debt that the Lord forgave us, it will become easy to forgive those who have hurt us — and to ask forgiveness from those we have hurt.

We must never harbor vengeful thoughts toward anyone or wish evil on those who mistreat us. When God’s love truly fills our hearts, it will overflow in goodness to others. A difficult mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be changed — but only by love, never by hatred or carnal means.

Concepts in Indian Culture

In India, people are very sensitive when talking about mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Today we live in an age where “women’s rights” are loudly proclaimed. New ideas clash with old traditions. Each person tends to pick and choose what suits them from both the old and the new, creating their own personal philosophy.

The very mention of a “mother-in-law” often recalls cartoons of a strong, domineering older woman clashing with a stylish, independent young woman who is determined to assert her rights. In earlier days, the daughter-in-law was a helpless, uneducated village girl — but not anymore.

When elderly mothers-in-law get together, they often talk about their daughters-in-law or boast about their finances. When young wives gather, they usually share complaints about their “in-laws.” And in many homes, money becomes the major source of tension. People find temporary relief by voicing grievances and proving that their in-laws are the worst! To ease their conscience, they may add a token kind word at the end. Such gossip spreads quickly, further damaging already fragile homes.

Many mothers feel it is their duty to warn their daughters about their future in-laws — out of love, or perhaps to maintain control. Some girls grow up witnessing conflict at home and learn to fight for their rights, entering marriage already defensive or secretive. They may confide only in their parents and easily misinterpret their husband’s or in-laws’ words as interference.

Meanwhile, a mother-in-law may view her new daughter-in-law as a rival for her son’s affection. She can become judgmental, scrutinizing everything the young woman does or says.

But when we live under the new covenant that Jesus established, it becomes possible for mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law to live in harmony, free from conflict and misunderstanding. Both must diligently strive to walk in the new covenant life.

First Things First

Let me repeat what is fundamental:

We must be sure that we are born again and have become children of God (John 3:3). Only then can we live under His rulership. We must turn away from every known sin and confess it. That is repentance. Then we ask God to cleanse us through the blood of Christ, believing that Jesus died for our sins and rose again. From then on, we belong to the Lord and must live only for Him who died and rose for us (Galatians 2:20).

After that, we must ask the Lord to fill us with the Holy Spirit. This requires surrender — of our ambitions, interests, friendships, and everything else. Then He will fill our hearts with His Spirit, who alone gives us power to live victoriously. Jesus came to give us abundant life, and we must seek the Spirit’s fullness daily. Without His power, we cannot overcome.

God speaks to us through His Word, the Bible. Through it, He teaches us how to live. So, we must read and meditate on the Scriptures daily. It was the Word that Jesus used to overcome Satan’s temptations. “Man shall not live by bread alone,” He said, “but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4).

God’s Word nourishes us spiritually. It is not given merely for intellectual knowledge or as a rule book. I have often found that God guides me by reminding me of verses or examples from Jesus’ life. For instance, I would never have realized how serious a sin anger is if I had not read how Jesus equated it with murder in Matthew 5:21–26.

God’s Word is also a sword with which we fight the enemy (Ephesians 6:17). So, never neglect it, however busy you may be.

Here is a beautiful word for every newly married bride — found in the “marriage psalm”:

“Hearken, O daughter, and consider and incline your ear: forget your people and your father’s house, and the King (the Lord Jesus) will desire your beauty. Since He is your Lord, bow down to Him” (Psalm 45:10).

This verse holds a key for many young brides. It is not easy to detach ourselves emotionally from our parents after marriage, but the Lord can help us. Our parents have their own burdens — why add ours to theirs?

If we criticize our husbands or in-laws, we will be spreading bitterness. Instead, let us draw closer to our King, the Lord Jesus. Bow before Him (as the above verse says), and He will help us overcome difficulties and change what needs to be changed. He will also give us an inner beauty — the beauty of a meek and quiet spirit.

Chapter 3

Naomi – The Mother-in-law

The story of Naomi and Ruth is a beautiful example of a godly mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who lived together in harmony and cared deeply for each other. They came from different cultures and religions and lived long before Christ came to earth. They knew nothing of the spiritual riches we now have — Christ in us, the power of the Holy Spirit, and the promises of the new covenant.

We read about Naomi and Ruth in the Book of Ruth. Naomi, her husband Elimelech, and their two sons, Mahlon and Chilion, lived in Bethlehem. Their story begins during a severe famine in Israel. Though judges ruled the land, “everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judges 21:25). There was no law, order, or spiritual guidance.

Today, we live in a similar time. Many do whatever seems right to them. Young people want independence and have their own standards. Respect for elders is being seen as outdated. Moral and family values are weakening, and sexual sins are no longer viewed as serious. We are truly living in days like those of Noah.

A Major Decision

Elimelech and Naomi decided to relocate to Moab, which was then a more prosperous and peaceful land.

Yet the Lord had told Israel not to associate with the Moabites, for they were idol worshippers, and such contact could lead Israel into idolatry.

Do Not Judge Those Who Move to Other Countries

Elimelech and Naomi did not pray or seek God’s will before moving to Moab. But the Lord is merciful and gracious; He meets us wherever we are.

Years later, when the people of Judah were exiled to Babylon — a move that was in God’s will — He blessed them there. It is possible that some who stayed behind in Israel during Elimelech’s time thought themselves more spiritual for remaining in the promised land. Yet God blessed Naomi and her family in unexpected ways.

This teaches us not to judge those who move to another country — or those who choose to stay. The Lord leads each family individually. We must not envy those who prosper elsewhere but instead rejoice in God’s will for our own lives. Discontent and jealousy will only hinder spiritual growth.

As one writer beautifully put it, God’s love is like “The Hound of Heaven”. It pursues us, finds us, and brings us back to Himself. In Naomi’s story, we see how God’s love never gave up on her but led her back to the place where He wanted her to be. God will do the same for us and even bring good out of our failures.

“All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

At the same time, we must not willfully disobey God. Let us learn from the mistakes of others and not take unnecessary risks, expecting the Lord to overlook them.

Naomi and her family lived comfortably in Moab for a time. But then, one day, Elimelech died.

Widow Naomi Becomes a Mother-in-Law

Naomi was now a widow in a strange land. We can imagine the sorrow and pain she must have felt. Yet she was remarkably brave to continue living in Moab with her two sons. One wonders why she did not return immediately to Judah with them.

Can you imagine the plight of a widow in a foreign land, with no relatives but her sons — and those sons choosing wives from a different culture, religion, and language? Most people try to retain their traditions wherever they go. Naomi’s sons would never have married Moabite girls while their father was alive. Yet they did so, without considering Naomi’s feelings or seeking her approval.

Naomi may have regretted moving to Moab and even felt she had failed as a mother for not teaching her sons the laws of God. Yet, despite the challenges, she accepted her daughters-in-law into her home. For the next ten years, Naomi, her sons, and their wives lived together. Imagine the scenario — two young women from completely different backgrounds living under the same roof with Naomi. And yet, remarkably, they lived happily together.

Dear mothers, consider how you would respond in such a situation. First, accepting widowhood itself is not easy. Loneliness, memories of both joyful and painful times, and lingering regrets are just a few of the sorrows widows face. Naomi may have blamed herself for the past, but now she had to live in her sons’ care. Her husband, her earthly companion and friend, was gone. In India, many such widows are treated as second-class members of the family, forced into perpetual self-denial.

Naomi had to set aside her grief and draw strength from God — not just for herself, but for her family as well. We too must rise above our past, refusing to grovel in self-pity. The past is beyond our control, and the future rests in God’s hands. His grace is sufficient for us, and He is always near the brokenhearted.

“What a Friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to share;
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer.”

When God appeared to Moses in the burning bush, He called Himself, “I AM.” I have experienced the Lord comforting me in various situations, reminding me: “I AM your Helper,” “I AM your Healer,” “I AM your Strength.” He wants to be everything to us, available always, according to our needs.

As Paul wrote, “My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

Biblical Guidance for Widows

The Bible gives practical guidance for widows. In 1 Timothy 5:5-16, the Holy Spirit, through Paul, advises:

• Young widows should not be idle, or gossip, or be busybodies; it is better for them to re-marry.
• Older widows should be cared for by their children, remain devoted to prayer, avoid self-indulgence, and help their families as much as possible.

God also offers promises for widows:

“Fear not, you will not be confounded; you will not be disgraced; you will forget the reproach of your widowhood, for your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of Hosts is His Name” (Isaiah 54:4–5).

Jesus once taught the importance of persistent prayer, using the example of a widow (Luke 18:1–8). And God blessed a widow who cared for the prophet Elijah during a famine (1 Kings 17:10). The Lord is described as “the God who protects widows” (Psalm 68:5) – and He invites all widows to trust in Him (Jeremiah 49:11).

Chapter 4

Naomi's Challenge

Naomi now faced another challenge: How would she relate to these two young women who had won her sons’ hearts? Perhaps she wished she had returned to Judah and found girls from her own culture. Yet her sons had absorbed Moabite ways, making it unlikely that wives from Judah would have fit easily for them. Naomi had no one to confide in — her husband was gone, and she had no relatives in this foreign land.

She may have feared that her daughters-in-law would gossip about her and resent her, since they had the support of their own families in Moab. These girls would have noticed Naomi’s old-fashioned habits — some of them acquired during her poverty-stricken days — which might have seemed strange and outdated to the more affluent Moabites.

And Naomi, in turn, may have been tempted to despise their heathen customs. How could she influence them? And there were not just one, but two girls! Naomi worshiped the one true God, while they knew nothing about Him, and served idols. But it is also possible that they had begun to abandon some of their customs after witnessing Naomi’s godly life.

There could also have been hidden tensions: Naomi might have complained to her sons about their wives, and the wives might have complained about Naomi to their husbands. The daughters-in-law may have wanted to maintain close ties with their own families in Moab, attending their celebrations, weddings, and funerals. Imagine the delicate situations that could arise in such a household.

No Children

Another challenge in Naomi’s household was that neither of her daughters-in-law bore any children in all those ten years. This alone could have caused frustration, complaints, and discouragement. The daughters-in-law may have blamed themselves for marrying outside their community, while Naomi would have been tempted to blame them.

Daily life in such a home must have been full of challenges: adjusting to different cultures, faiths, languages, and traditions. Some older women tend to dominate their daughters-in-law, while others may feel inferior.

Yet Naomi did not “go under” or succumb to defeat. These trials awakened her spiritually. She would have realized that she needed to redeem the situation. Through these struggles, Naomi drew closer to the Lord, discovering Him as her Husband, Friend, and Comforter, and gaining the strength necessary for daily life. As the oldest member of the household, she had to remain strong to guide her family through one crisis after another.

Mothers,Take Up Your Responsibility!

Mothers bear a profound responsibility to lead their children in the ways of God. There is no excuse for neglecting this duty. We must instruct and correct our children gently, with love and wisdom. Our lives must set an example, for actions speak louder than words.

We should not turn our children away from God by our religious zeal. Instead, we must guide them in making wise decisions in life and help them to develop confidence and trust in us. We should not be tyrants but loving friends on whom they can depend.

If mistakes occur, we must correct the situation without making any child feel abandoned. Every situation can be redeemed. When offering advice about marriage, guide them to make spiritually-minded choices. And if a child chooses a partner that you do not approve of, accept them both with love. Decide now to cultivate a happy, harmonious relationship with your children and daughters-in-law at all costs.

Do Not Point Your Finger

In Isaiah 58:9, the Lord promises to answer our prayers if we stop pointing our fingers at others. Even if you begin with an unloving attitude toward your daughter-in-law, ask God to soften your heart. With His help, she might become the one who loves you most in the end.

Guard your thoughts about your daughter-in-law. Negative thoughts produce negative words. Do not harbor critical opinions about her or her family. Avoid comparing your daughters-in-law with each other and do not speak about them behind their backs. Do not attempt to change their ways to match yours. Your way may be the best for you, but not for everyone.

Older women usually find it easier to exercise patience, because they have experienced more of life than their younger daughters-in-law. But most mothers are patient with their own daughters, but can be unforgiving at times, towards their daughters-in-law.

Whenever I see my daughters-in-love doing something in their homes, I try to help them, always doing things the way they do them. And I offer advice only when asked. On the other hand, I have learned much from them, especially regarding the use of modern technology in household management.

Handle Mistakes and Negative Thoughts Gracefully

If things go wrong, do not assign blame to anyone. Do not be disturbed by material losses or mistakes. Fellowship, love, and harmony are worth far more than all earthly possessions.

Be thankful if your daughters-in-law have the opportunity to live at a better standard of living than you had. Always speak kindly, particularly with your daughters-in-law, who are still learning to know your heart. Give them time to trust and respect you. And if you fail at any time, apologize quickly and begin anew with God’s help. Depend on Him for wisdom in every situation – as promised in James 1:5.

Relationships require vigilance if they are to be maintained without any friction. A fragile fellowship can be broken easily – and then repairing it can often be more difficult and time-consuming than if you prevented the damage. “Prevention is always better than cure”!

Love Covers a Multitude of Sins

When you notice any fault in your daughter-in-law, try to overlook it. Ignore all unwise words and minor oversights. Lighten their burdens, just as you would for your own daughters. Avoid unrealistic expectations. They are young, inexperienced, and adjusting to many new challenges. So, try to see life from their perspective.

Negative thoughts about anyone are like logs in our eyes, while those others may have only a speck in their eye. Remember that it will take time for your daughter-in-law to adjust to the ways of your household. So, pray that the Lord will help you to overcome any negative attitudes that you may have towards them or their families.

Naomi and her household lived together for ten years. Daily tensions were inevitable, but Naomi must have shared her knowledge of the one true God with her daughters-in-law.

Chapter 5

Another Tragedy

Tragedy struck again. Both of Naomi’s sons died. Now the family had no male members remaining. For whom could Naomi live now? The depth of her of sorrow and discouragement must have been overwhelming – having no relatives or close friends and no Bible, but only two grieving daughters-in-law in her home.

When tragedy hits, people react in different ways. Some blame themselves. Naomi must have regretted moving to Moab and wondered whether God was punishing her. In such situations, suicidal thoughts must never be entertained, for such thoughts are contrary to God’s will.

In such situations, we may question our decisions regarding any medical care that should have been given, and wonder whether things might have been different if we had given prompt medical aid. Self-reflection is wise, but it must not lead to despair.

In such situations, we can even end up blaming others. People could even speculate that the Moabite girls brought a curse upon Naomi’s sons. Some Christians even consult horoscopes and “star-readings”. We must avoid such superstitions and never allow them to influence our thoughts.

Make a firm decision that if things ever go wrong, you will not blame anyone else but judge yourself in God’s presence and leave the matter in His sovereign hands.

Naomi Bounces Back

Naomi realized that she had to be strong. A godly woman must gird herself with Divine strength. Naomi now had to take major decisions entirely on her own. She must have sought the Lord and felt His prompting in her heart to return to Israel. Some women in such situations are so shattered that they need medical help. Yet when all human help fails, and we are completely broken, the Lord will lift us up and restore us.

When sorrow hits, return to the Lord. Obey His promptings. Find your security and strength in Him. Read the Psalms and the comforting words of Jesus in the Gospels. Fellowship with God’s people and the church family can encourage and lift your spirit.

Naomi then heard that the Lord had visited His people in Israel and provided them with food. This good news revived her and gave her fresh hope.

Even in the darkest times, we must look forward to the dawn. The Lord provides a way out of every trial. 1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds us that God will never allow us to be tempted beyond our ability but will provide a way of escape so we can endure and emerge triumphant. We can trust Him to keep us from falling and to lead us on the right path.

When we lack wisdom, we are told to ask the Lord—and He has promised to give us the wisdom we need. But we must ask in faith, without doubting (James 1:5).

Returning to Her Homeland

Naomi told her daughters-in-law of her plan to return to Israel. She had no emotional attachment to the land of Moab, where she had lived for so long. When we move to any place, we must not get so attached to our possessions there, that leaving becomes difficult. Lot’s wife was reluctant to leave Sodom and Gomorrah because of the possessions she had there. She looked back in disobedience to God and was immediately punished.

Naomi and her daughters-in-law loved one another. A bond formed between them, during their years together. Both girls respected Naomi’s decision without questioning or arguing. It is wonderful when an aged mother-in-law can earn the confidence of her daughters-in-law in such a way.

Letting Go of Earthly Ties

At the fork on the road leading to Judah, Naomi told Orpah and Ruth to return to their relatives. She encouraged them to remarry and secure their future and avoid the bleak life that would come from following a helpless widow.

Naomi was truly unselfish. She did not worry about who would care for her if she were alone or how she would survive without their help. She knew life would be easier with them, yet she trusted the Lord to provide. She gave her daughters-in-law total freedom — a wonderful example for all mothers-in-law.

Many parents cling to their married children, making frequent calls, complaining that the children do not care, and send them guilt-laden messages. They may demand money, even when they do not need it, citing past expenses or perceived obligations. Some parents have hidden agendas, using their children’s wealth to buy property or jewelry to display before friends and relatives, or to curry favor with other relatives.

They blame daughters-in-law and sons-in-law for minor delays in sending them money, thus destroying the happiness of their married children. Constant talk about money, jewelry, expensive clothes, or dowry can tie “chains” around the children, making their lives miserable. Discontent, covetousness, and love of money are spiritual diseases prevalent in many homes.

Naomi asked her daughters-in-law to return to Moab. Initially, both girls refused, showing their love and concern for her. They cried out aloud — with genuine, heartfelt grief. But Naomi explained that they would have no future if they came with her to Israel. Orpah then decided to return to her people. We hear nothing more of her thereafter. She would have been blessed if she had followed Ruth’s example and stuck with Naomi. Hebrews 12:16 reminds us how Esau lost his birthright because he chose a momentary earthly benefit and wept bitterly later for it. Scripture gives many such examples as warnings.

Chapter 6

Back Home

Ruth remained loyal, refusing to leave Naomi. She told Naomi, "Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus, may the Lord do to me and worse if anything but death parts you and me." (Ruth 1:16)

Ruth must have come to know the living God after years with Naomi. Naomi drew strength from Ruth’s love. The journey was easier with Ruth by her side. The next challenge would be when meeting Naomi’s relatives, who would ask questions about their years in Moab.

Upon arriving in Bethlehem, everyone was surprised. Those returning from abroad usually come with wealth, children, and grandchildren. Naomi, however, returned as a poor widow, having lost her two sons and brought back only Ruth, who was also a widow, and a despised Moabite.

Naomi Slips Up and Blames God

Answering repeated questions from relatives, Naomi finally complained -for the first time. She said, "Call me Mara (meaning 'Bitter'), for God has dealt harshly with me."

The meaning of Naomi however was “Pleasant”.

One step downwards often leads to another — blaming God instead of giving thanks.

Naomi set a poor example for young Ruth.

Can clay ever blame the potter? We are God’s creation and must give Him reverence. Angels in heaven cover their faces before God. Under the Old Covenant, people sometimes murmured as Naomi did. But we, who have received God’s mercy, and are in the new covenant, and have received the power of His Holy Spirit, must never blame God.

Do Not Murmur

In the Old Testament, the Israelites complained against Moses, Aaron, and even God, causing 600,000 men to miss entering the Promised Land. They repeatedly rebelled, but God eventually gave up on that generation (Hebrews 3:16–4:13).

Philippians 2:14 instructs us: "Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless, innocent children of God." Grumbling is a worldly disease. Those in the kingdom of light must shine by never complaining – even when others do. Murmuring is complaining against God, showing a dissatisfaction with His ways. We must pray for grace to overcome it, because our children will grow up in the atmosphere we create.

Look to Jesus

Jesus was tempted like us in all things, but He never sinned (Hebrews 4:15). He calls us now to follow Him, denying our own will. He never complained about His earthly circumstances but chose the perfect path of obedience to His Father – thus giving us an example to follow.

In quietness, we should ask for grace to handle our trials —even if it is the death of a loved one. When Job lost his ten children, he said, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord" (Job 1:21).

Our hidden life, unknown to others, is where we must allow the Lord to crush our self-will, so that the fragrance of Christ is produced in our lives. We are weak vessels, but the One Who lives within us is glorious. As Paul writes, "We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed, always carrying in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifest in our bodies." (2 Corinthians 4:7–11)

All trials are included here, and God will manifest His resurrection-life through us if we yield to Him, daily. Our prayer should echo Jesus’ prayer, always: "Not My will, but Thy will be done, O Father."

Hebrews 11:39 assures that in the new covenant, God promises us greater blessings than there were under the Old Covenant. So, we should not dishonor Him when facing any trial.

Look at Other Godly Women

When tempted to complain, think of women who endured greater trials, yet remained faithful:

• Joni Eareckson Tada broke her neck in a swimming accident and was quadriplegic for more than 58 years. But she accepted God’s will and never complained. She said that she would rather live all her life in a wheelchair with Christ, than walk normally without Him.
• Corrie Ten Boom was one who endured imprisonment in Nazi prison camps. But she forgave her persecutors and remained faithful to God.

These are just two among many great women of faith whose lives challenge us.

Chapter 7

God's Providence In Naomi's Life

God controlled everything, even when Naomi could not see it. She and Ruth arrived in Bethlehem at the start of the barley harvest.

God had commanded all Israelite farmers that during harvest time, they should leave some portions behind in the fields, for the poor to pick up. So, Naomi sent Ruth to glean in the fields; and this provided food for both. Naome was too old to glean herself and so she had to depend on Ruth. Remaining content in such a state of helplessness (as Naomi was) required great humility. Naomi accepted her poverty and her limited resources. Older sisters must cleanse themselves of all worldly desires. It is quite likely that Naomi had nothing to eat until Ruth returned each day, in the evening.

When Naomi learned that Ruth had gleaned from Boaz’s field, she rejoiced, because Boaz was a very close relative. And the old-covenant law stipulated that close relatives must marry such helpless girls. So, she hoped that Boaz would marry Ruth. That, she knew, would secure Ruth’s future. So, we see that Naomi was focused on Ruth’s well-being, and not on her own comfort.

Naomi’s attitude is so much in contrast with that of many a mother-in-law who fear that a widowed daughter-in-law might get married again and thus leave her alone. Naomi, however, gave Ruth godly guidance as to how to conduct herself wisely and discreetly. There we see a great example for all mothers-in-law to follow.

Bearing Fruit in Old Age and Remaining Fresh

A close bond had been built between Naomi and Ruth through all the trials they had faced together. Naomi now believed that Ruth would continue to care for her wherever she went.

Old age brings forgetfulness and many weaknesses. We can be tempted to focus only on ourselves and our comfort. How should we respond?

Many elderly mothers dwell on their “good old days,” dissatisfied with their present lives. They may complain endlessly to their children, make demands, or become fussy about food, making life difficult for others. But those who know the Lord will use their remaining years to grow closer to God and to serve others.

Dear mothers and mothers-in-law, remember Naomi in such situations. Even if you do not have a Ruth to care for you, the Lord is with you and has promised never to leave you or forsake you. Let go of everything, including the children you are tempted to cling on to. Prove in your life that the Lord will sustain you in your times of need.

Older people can feel insecure once their children are married and living independently. Let go. Do not interfere. Let your children run their own lives. Focus instead on your eternal home in heaven, spending more time with the Lord and His Word. Serve others in God’s family whenever opportunities arise. Use your time to pray for others, thank God for your health, clarity of mind, and blessings you may have taken for granted. Do not dwell on aches, pains, or limitations; commit them to the Lord, who cares for you. If medical help is needed, seek it, but live your golden years with dignity.

God Provides for His Children

Naomi noticed how kind Boaz was to Ruth, treating her with compassion. She gave Ruth mature advice according to the Law and culture of Israel, instructing her to seek Boaz’s protection as a close relative (Ruth 3:1–9). Ruth obeyed without hesitation. Naomi trusted Boaz and Ruth to act with purity and integrity. Boaz would redeem their family property and become a good husband — as he finally did.

The principle is timeless: “The one who waters others will himself be watered” (Proverbs 11:25).

Naomi: A Happy and Contented Grandmother

At the story’s end, Naomi experienced joy and contentment. After trials, losses, poverty, and wandering, she lived as a happy mother-in-law and grandmother. She had a secure home, loving family, and relatives. She also experienced the joy of holding a little grandson — Boaz’s son — whom she regarded as her own.

Many mothers who have lost their sons struggle to accept others in their place, living forever in the past. Naomi, however, rejoiced that the Lord had provided a son for her and Ruth.

Being a Wise Grandmother

Becoming a grandmother brings a new responsibility. We should be ready to help, but wise enough to leave our children alone, to raise their own families.

Do not impose your views on raising children on others. For example, you may have rocked your children to sleep, but they may wish their children to learn to sleep independently. Each family has its own way, and there is no one “right” method.

The same applies to clothing, food, play, and other aspects of raising children. Do not pry into your children’s finances or personal lives. And offer advice humbly, only when asked. Provide financial support where needed, expecting nothing in return.

If grandchildren are being disciplined, step away, to avoid embarrassment to the parents. And do not ever interfere in disputes between parents. Leave them to themselves, pray for them quietly, and let your godly life influence them positively.

As children grow, avoid putting negative thoughts about their parents into their minds or creating division between family members. Respect their family and the authority of the parents.

Modern technology and gadgets may be new to you but be willing to adjust. Give children space and build friendship with them, guiding them gently towards godliness.

Wisdom is the mother of all virtues. Ask the Lord for divine wisdom throughout your life. James 3:17 describes wisdom as “pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering and without hypocrisy.” Proverbs 9:1 likens wisdom to a house built on these seven pillars. Help your children and grandchildren to build these pillars in their homes.

The Lord says, “Blessed is the man who listens to Me, watching daily at My gates, waiting at my doorposts. For he who finds Me finds life” (Proverbs 8:34–35). Pray daily, asking God for wisdom in every situation. Proverbs 8 and 9 are particularly rich chapters for meditation.

When staying with married children, always remember that it is their home. Your presence should not create any strain for them. And when you leave, leave goodness and mercy behind you (Psalm 23:6). Your visit should have brought peace, and not conflict.

Chapter 8

Ruth - The Daughter-In-Law

And now, for a few words to daughters-in-law.

The young Moabite girl, Ruth, had married into a different culture. The Moabites were idol-worshippers, and their ancestry was marked by sin (Genesis 19:36–37). Yet God had a plan for Ruth.

God works mysteriously, bringing people out of sin into His kingdom. No one deserves His blessings, but He lovingly plans and orchestrates our lives, regardless of family history or past mistakes.

The Indian Joint-Family Structure

Ruth lived in a “joint family,” like many Indian homes, where she lived with her husband, widowed mother-in-law, and brother-in-law’s family.

Many modern brides resist living in joint families. But are you willing to give up your preferences if God so wills it? In India, brides often have no choice. They must live with their in-laws, learn household routines, care for the elderly, and help raise children in a shared home.

Joint-family living has advantages: children receive love from many adults, learn unselfishness, and develop relationships with cousins. While conflicts may arise, elders can help resolve the issues. Such a structure provides love, support, and community—although it requires humility, patience, and wisdom.

Accepting Limitations When There Is No Other Option

When I got married, like all newly-married wives, I wanted privacy and my own space. However, God did not grant me that. But I was grateful for a place that my husband and I could stay in. I reminded myself that my husband’s family was doing us a favor by allowing us to stay with them. So, I sought to serve, helped with the cooking, cleaning, hosting guests, and providing medical care for his aged parents.

Though inconvenient, God used those circumstances for my spiritual growth (Romans 8:28). I was spiritually dry at that time; but God met with me, baptized me in the Holy Spirit, and brought freshness into my life. And thus, living in that joint family became a tremendous blessing to me.

After the birth of our first child, the help of my in-laws was invaluable. Later I could care for them in return. God orchestrates all things for our good.

Submit Joyfully

Submission to the Lord’s will always leads to blessing. I am thankful for my husband’s family’s love and for the practical lessons I learnt from my mother-in-law — in cooking, baking, and other things.

Later, in my own home, I could care for them in return and open our home to many of God’s children as well. God allowed Christian Fellowship Church (CFC) to begin in our home, and it is now spreading worldwide. I praise the Lord for allowing me to have a small part in His work.

Top of Form

A Wrong Choice – But God Loves Us Anyway

Ruth and her sister-in-law, Orpah, were Moabites. God had instructed the Israelites not to intermarry with Moabites, yet some Israelite men disobeyed and married them.

A new bride can often feel intimidated, struggling to adjust to many changes after marriage. If you are in such a situation, be patient. God will help you navigate those changes. Resolve to make your marriage a success at all costs, relying on the Lord. Remember that some feelings of rejection from your in-laws may be only imaginary — and temptations from the devil.

Ruth and Orpah shared a cultural background, which may have tempted them to mock Naomi’s “Israelite” ways, complain to their husbands, or maintain ties to Moabite customs. Yet Ruth came to trust in the true God, possibly because she saw qualities in Naomi that she admired. Take every opportunity to learn from older, godly people. Respect them, and your attitude and understanding will change.

Your mother-in-law may be set in her ways, and you cannot change her. Leave that to the Lord. Consider all that she has done: raised her son, educated him, sacrificing her sleep and comfort. Make allowances for her, especially as she gradually releases her son to you. Pray for patience during this transition.

Always respect your husband’s parents – and all older people. Your children will learn respect from your example. Share any problems that arise, with your husband, seeking solutions, and without complaining. Remember, these are his parents, whom God commands him to honor, despite their faults. Forgive minor issues, avoid unnecessary grievances, and consider that many misunderstandings arise from misinterpretation or prejudice.

Even if conversations touch on dowry, money, jobs, or your family, always maintain a loving perspective. Separation or divorce must never even be considered – for that would make matters far worse both for your children and for yourself. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:14–16). Do not discuss or talk about the faults of your ‘in-laws’ with your own parents. Instead, pray for grace, wisdom, and peace.

Seek Help Wisely

If difficulties escalate, seek guidance from godly people, such as a church-elder or a trusted friend. Wherever possible, aim to have your own home. Avoid controversial topics and speak calmly when issues arise. Always rely on the Lord for help, through prayer, Scripture, and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Marriage requires adaptation. You may need to abandon former habits, privacy, and personal schedules to accommodate your husband. Accept his family without demanding change. It is we ourselves who need to try and change - and not others. Ask the Lord for grace to cultivate a loving heart and a willing spirit.

If you are outgoing and your husband is reserved, change your social patterns. God calls a wife to be a “closed garden” for her husband alone (Song of Solomon 4:12,16). Ask the Lord to help you adapt to whatever situation you are placed in.

Widowhood

Ruth and her first husband shared only ten years together before he died, leaving her childless. This must have been deeply painful. Yet Ruth had come to trust in the living God through marrying someone who had trusted Him. She may have questioned why God allowed such a suffering for her. But she turned to the Lord for help.

When we lose a loved one or a child, our grief can be very severe. Yet we can gradually accept God’s will, recognizing that they belong to Him. God has given us promises for every circumstance:

Psalm 46:1: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalm 146:9: The Lord watches over the sojourners; He upholds the widow and the fatherless.

 Ruth’s experiences of widowhood enabled her later, to comfort Naomi and Orpah.

“The God of all comfort comforts us in all our affliction, so that we can comfort those who are in any affliction with the same comfort with which we ourselves were comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4).

Place everything on God’s altar and make Him your deepest longing —above all earthly possessions and relationships.

Never Give Up Your Faith

Ruth may have been tempted to abandon her faith after her husband’s death; but she did not. Ruth persisted in her devotion to God. Trials test our surrender to God’s will. Secret obedience is rewarded openly by God.

Ruth had no peers to share her burden. She did not overburden Naomi. She submitted to God in secret, and the Lord blessed her openly. Today, we are more privileged: We have the Scriptures, the example of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and church fellowship to support us in our trials.

Three Widows Brought Together

After Naomi’s sons died, the three widows faced life-altering decisions. Naomi chose to return to Judah. Ruth submitted to Naomi’s guidance.

 Decisions must be made only after seeking the Lord’s will.

Ruth and Orpah left their homeland, relatives, language, and culture. Naomi urged them to return. Orpah left. But Ruth chose loyalty and faith – and thus gained eternal blessings.

Ruth declared, “Do not urge me to leave you… Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God… May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you” (Ruth 1:16–17). Such total commitment by a young woman from a heathen background is truly inspiring.

Discipleship begins by placing God above family, earthly relatives, self, and possessions (Luke 14:26–27). And anyone who does not renounce all that she has cannot be a disciple of Jesus (Luke 14:33).

Ruth’s faith prepared her to face the unknown. Through the Holy Spirit, we can achieve even greater heights than Ruth.

Chapter 9

A Miraculous Ending

Upon reaching Judah, Ruth may have felt lonely. Naomi was known, but Ruth was a stranger. Meeting her husband’s family can be daunting. For peace and goodwill, do as much as you can to make them happy without compromising your conscience.

They arrived during the barley harvest. Ruth did not cling to dignity. She gleaned leftover grain, as permitted by the Law, while allowing Naomi to rest. She did not judge Naomi as being lazy. It was Ruth’s own decision to go to the fields and work hard.

Willing to Do Any Work

Working in the fields from dawn under a hot sun must have been exhausting. But Ruth persevered without any self-pity. Menial work should never be despised. Teaching our daughters to work diligently equips them for life. Many young, educated girls today are ashamed of such labor, desiring comfort, and admiration. Ruth could have thought, “I’ve never done such menial work in Moab, I’m not used to such a life of degradation.” But she did not give way to such thoughts.

Always consider Jesus, Who humbled Himself and became a servant for our sakes. Humility is essential for us, because “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:6). So be ready to serve always – and teach your children also to do likewise.

Conduct Yourself with Dignity

Ruth worked among young men and women but maintained her dignity. Today, workplaces encourage casual interactions between men and women, that often lead to compromising situations. Always maintain modesty and purity. Your testimony is important.

Set clear boundaries around you (Song of Solomon 8:9). Be a wall – and not a door.

Decide to give your affection only to the one who the Lord chooses to be your husband. Carelessness when you are young can affect your relationships in the future, your happiness in marriage, and even trust with your husband. Repent of any behavior of yours that has dishonored the Lord and commit yourself to be a wholehearted disciple of Jesus.

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that if some do not obey the word, they may be won by the conduct of their wives… Do not let your adorning be external…but the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s eyes is very precious” (1 Peter 3:1–4).

Ruth is Rewarded by God for Her Secret Sacrifices

The owner of the field, Boaz, noticed Ruth’s chaste and pure behavior. He said to her, "All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me, and how you left your father and mother and your native land and came to a people you did not know before. The Lord will repay you for what you have done; may a full reward be given to you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge." (Ruth 2:11–12)

He also told her, “You have not gone after young men, either rich or poor… All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of excellence.” (Ruth 3:10,11).

When our lives are pure and chaste, others will respect us. Boaz recognized that Ruth had come to take refuge under God’s wings and was not even seeking Boaz’s attention. As Proverbs 31:30 reminds us: "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Ruth’s Trustful Obedience

Ruth willingly followed Naomi’s advice on how to approach Boaz for protection. This may have been customary then; but nowadays, many young women are reluctant to consult older Christians, spiritual leaders, or their parents regarding marriage decisions.

Ruth might have feared appearing cheap or being exploited, yet she trusted Naomi and followed her guidance. It is remarkable how God worked His plan in Ruth’s life through her humble submission.

Submission is a power many fail to see. Jesus submitted to the Father, always praying and doing His will. Therefore, the Father exalted Him (Philippians 2:4–9). Though He was God, He humbled Himself, becoming a man and even being counted among criminals. As wives, we are called to have the same spirit of submission to our husbands. When we do, as Jesus Himself did, we will find joy in our obedience.

By submitting, we allow God to fulfill His wonderful purposes in our lives. Our children witness the happiness and harmony of a godly home, where the wife is subject to her husband, and they will learn to respect parental authority.

Ruth humbly told Boaz, “I am Ruth, your servant. Spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer.” This can also be our prayer to our Redeemer, Jesus Christ, placing ourselves under the protection and headship of our Divine Husband.

Boaz appreciated that Ruth had not pursued after any other young man, rich or poor. He said, “This last kindness is greater than the first.” Boaz acted wisely and became Ruth’s redeemer, following the steps Naomi had advised. The repeated mention of the term “redeemer” in the book of Ruth reminds us of our Lord Jesus, who redeems us from sin and makes us His own.

Boaz first offered redemption to a closer relative of Naomi, who refused. Only then did he, in the presence of witnesses, redeem Naomi’s property and marry Ruth, clearly guided by God’s providence.

"Wait for the Lord and keep His way, and He will exalt you to inherit the land." (Psalm 37:34)
The “land” we seek is a life of Christlikeness, bearing His character and nature.

Boaz and Ruth married, and their son, Obed, became the grandfather of King David. From David’s line came our Lord Jesus, often called “the Son of David.” A once-despised girl, Ruth, was honored to be in the royal lineage of Jesus Christ.

Christ Manifest in Our Lives

We all desire Christ to be manifest in our lives. Paul’s words remind us: “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20).

Ruth’s decisions, small at the time, led to her inclusion in the lineage of Jesus. Every daily choice we make matters. As believers in the New Covenant, we are given even greater promises. Will we faithfully take up our cross, deny our will, and follow Jesus?

May we all do so. Amen.