The word of God says that husbands must look at Jesus’ love towards the church as an example for how they should love their wives (Ephesians 5:25). Any husband even with ten percent sincerity will admit that it takes a lifetime to obey that verse. There is not a man who has attained to it. The sad thing is that the vast majority of believers are not even trying to attain to it. We will never obey it if we are not even trying. That is what the Bible means when it says to “press on to perfection.” Husbands have one dutys: to love their wives as Christ loved the church. They must press on to perfection in this area so that each year will find them loving their wives more perfectly, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to sanctify her.

When Christ saw failure in the church, how did He rectify that failure? Not the way most husbands do. Most husbands try to rectify failure in their wives with strong, harsh words like, “You are not behaving properly,” or some other equally demonic words. Jesus did not do that. When He wanted to make the church perfect without a spot or wrinkle, holy and blameless, what did He do? He gave up His life to sanctify her. Have you ever thought of doing that for your wife? That is God's way. The whole of mankind is upside down, going the opposite way. If you follow God's way, your marriage will go from better to excellent. When you as a husband see a fault in your wife, you must follow Jesus. You should not do what all other human beings around you are doing.

The most difficult thing to give up is our ego - this identity called “I” - the important person who sits on the throne. He is very offended and hurt when his wife does not do things the way the king sitting on the throne expects. This is your ‘self’ that needs to be given up in order to sanctify her. Unfortunately, there are only a few husbands who are interested in going this way. If you don’t go this way, then of course your marriage will only go in a downward spiral. But if you are really interested in going this way, you must seek to love your wife and take it seriously. Do not look for the meaning of love in a dictionary. Rather look for the meaning of love in Christ’s example – being prepared to die as Christ did in your relationship. This is our calling as husbands.

Jesus is our leader, but not in the sense that the world understands leadership. Do you know where we find Jesus during His last days on the earth? At the feet of His bride, washing her feet. In other words, if a husband has reached the height of perfection, he will be found at the feet of his wife, washing her feet, helping her, and cleansing her in order to sanctify her. What does it mean to wash her feet? It is to do the dirty jobs. Of course, there are stupid wives who take advantage of that and boss their husbands around. Jesus was not a doormat for people to walk over, was He? Some women misunderstand when we say the husband must wash his wife’s feet and do dirty jobs. Their husbands end up as servants doing all types of odd, dirty jobs. That is not what I mean. Jesus was not a doormat. If you were to find Jesus sitting with His disciples, there would be no doubt as to who the leader was. There was clear cut leadership. You would never have thought that Peter or Matthew was the leader. That is also the position husbands must have. It is this delicate balance of being a leader and a servant that we must learn from Jesus. You need wisdom for that type of leadership, which only the Lord can supply, if you ask Him in prayer.

Jesus is a Shepherd who goes before his flock. He does not kick them from the back. Jesus did not give a whole lot of exhortations. He was an example for His bride to follow. That is what a husband must be - an example like Jesus - a shepherd to lead his wife. When your wife stumbles, my dear brother, ask yourself, ‘Am I leading my sheep, my wife, whom God has committed to me, in the right way?’ Behind your wife will come other little lambs - children. All of them are dependent on one man, the shepherd. If the husband doesn’t have self-control, how do you expect the sheep and the lambs to behave? If he is not working out his own salvation with fear and trembling, and if he is not following Jesus, in which direction will the home go? In the opposite direction of what God intended, just like the rest of mankind.

So, if we want a marriage to go from better to excellent, we need to have husbands who take this matter of following Jesus seriously. This must be his hobby, his lifetime passion, even his full-time job - not just an occasional thing which he does in a church meeting. This type of marriage is for disciples, not just for those who want to go to heaven when they die.